Star Wars A Phantom Menace

Ok I’m going to honestly say something that’s a bit strange and no one asked for. *Clears throat* Where the hell are the ghosts? Honestly that’s a bit of a misleading title. Ok now for the serious stuff.

Is or should I say was Star Wars Episode I a good film? In retrospect it’s a lot better than the squeals. Is it still deemed as a bad film? Yes, yes, it is. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the film. In fact, I did, ranging from pod racing, some of the quotes that spawned memes, the battles and ect. What kinda ruined it is how ridiculous Jarjar Binks is as a character. Do they wonder why in the Lego Star Wars game you get an achievement/trophy for slapping his sorry arse until he dies 10 times? How the way he speaks it’s like what the hell are you babbling on about? Plus, most characters aren’t bumbling buffoons, unlike Jarjar. What was their point of it? Comic relief?  As it turns out, it was a yes. Yes he was made as one to connect with the younger audience. If I recall my first Star Wars film, I’ve seen on the telly was A New Hope. The very first Star Wars film, in which I need to check it out as of why that was the case.

Why would I love Pod Racing, when they go around a few laps on a racecourse in Tatooine? Simple answer, I love motorsports.  Not only that, at least it feels like what you expect from Star Wars and Tatooine. That is at least a different hobby than slaughtering Womp Rats, clapping Tuskan Raiders and wanting to do deals with a fat bugger of a slug called Jubba The Hutt. Although he’s a Huttie.

Now the premise of the film follows 2 Jedi, Qui-Gon Jinn played by Liam Nesson and Obi Wan Kenobi aka Ben Kenobi, played by Ewan McGreggor. Who are forced to go through a blockade to negotiate with The Trade Federation. The negotiation fails, no bloody surprise there on that one. They cut through a lot of droids, took a ship to Naboo, because you know they failed. Later on in the film, they go to Tatooine because they were attacked by the Trade Federation again. They find a wee boy called Anakin Skywalker, who was a slave. His mother was a slave too at that point, owned by Watto the flying bugger who should of got his wings clipped. What is significant of Anakin is that he is naturally gifted in the Force, due to I can not remember what they have that is rather force sensitive. Whilst wee Annie dreamed of freeing the slaves as a Jedi, not like you can blame him. Slightly later on he enters the race due to a gamble from Qui-Gon and Watto to free wee bloody Annie. Don't know why I went slightly aggressive there. Much later on they Coruscant to speak to Senetor Palpatine. They warn of a mysterious guy called Darth Maul, but they didn't know his Scottish sounding name at the time. After all of the hoo ha, they return to Naboo and liberate the peaceful planet from The Trade Federation, a militarised corporation, in which I think a part of the influence has to be based on the British East India Tea Company,  due to them also being incredibly well armed and trained in warfare. After liberating the planet, and getting rid of the Federation, more specifically the Banking Clan, I should have said that first, but oh well, they gain peace yet again.

• Played by Ewan McGreggor.

• Obi-Wan : But Master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future.

  Qui-Gon Jinn : But not at the expense of the moment.

• Obi-Wan : Why do I get the feeling that we've picked up another pathetic life form?

• Obi-Wan : The boy is dangerous. They all sense it, why can't you?

• Jar-Jar Binks : Dis is nutsen!

  [looks out window] 

  Jar-Jar Binks : Oh, Gooberfish!

  Obi-Wan : Why were you banished, Jar-Jar?

  Jar-Jar Binks : It's a longo taleo buta small part of it would be mesa... clumsy.

  Obi-Wan : You were banished because you were clumsy?

  Jar-Jar Binks : Yousa might'n be sayin dat.

• Obi-Wan : Once those droids take control of the surface, they will take control of you.

• Yoda : Confer on you, the level of Jedi Knight the Council does. But agree on you taking this boy as your Padawan learner, I do not.

  Obi-Wan : Qui-Gon believed in him.

  Yoda : The Chosen One the boy may be; nevertheless, grave danger I fear in his training.

  Obi-Wan : Master Yoda, I gave Qui-Gon my word. I will train Anakin. Without the approval of the Council if I must.

  Yoda : Qui-Gon's defiance I sense in you. Need that, you do not. Agree with you, the council does. Your apprentice, Skywalker will be.

• Played by Liam Nesson. 

• Obi-Wan : But Master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future.

  Qui-Gon Jinn : But not at the expense of the moment.

• Jar-Jar Binks : Ooh, mooey mooey, I love you!

  Qui-Gon Jinn : You almost got us killed! Are you brainless?

  Jar-Jar Binks : I spake!

  Qui-Gon Jinn : The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Now get out of here.

• Qui-Gon Jinn : There's always a bigger fish.

• Qui-Gon Jinn : You must have Jedi reflexes if you race pods.

  [Jar-Jar tries to grab a piece of fruit with his tongue, but Qui-Gon catches it] 

  Qui-Gon Jinn : Don't do that again.

Played by Jake Lloyd. 

• Anakin : You're a Jedi Knight, aren't you?

  Qui-Gon Jinn : What makes you think that?

  Anakin : I saw your laser sword. Only Jedi carry that kind of weapon.

  Qui-Gon Jinn : Perhaps I killed a Jedi and took it from him.

  Anakin : I don't think so. No one can kill a Jedi.

  Qui-Gon Jinn : I wish that were so.

• Anakin : Are you an angel?

  Queen Amidala : What?

  Anakin : An angel. I've heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They live on the moons of Iego, I think. They're the most beautiful creatures in the universe.

  Queen Amidala : You're a funny little boy. How do you know so much?

  Anakin : I listen to all the traders and star pilots who come through here. I'm a pilot, you know, and someday I'm going to fly away from this place.

• [Anakin is about to leave his mother behind to train as a Jedi] 

  Anakin : I can't do it, Mom. I just can't do it.

  Shmi Skywalker : Ani...

  Anakin : Will I ever see you again?

  Shmi Skywalker : What does your heart tell you?

  Anakin : I hope so. Yes... I guess.

  Shmi Skywalker : Then we will see each other again.

  Anakin : I will come back and free you, Mom. I promise.

  Shmi Skywalker : Now, be brave, and don't look back. Don't look back.

• Queen Amidala : You're a slave?

•  Anakin : I'm a person and my name is Anakin.

• Played by Natalie Portman.

• Queen Amidala : Our people are dying, Senator. We must do something quickly to stop the Federation.

  Senator Palpatine : To be realistic, your Majesty, I think we are going to have to accept Federation control for the time being.

  Queen Amidala : That is something I cannot do.

• Anakin : I don't know if I'll ever see her again, I wanted to say goodbye.

  Queen Amidala : We will tell her for you. We are sure her heart goes with you.

• C-3PO : Hello, I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations. How might I serve you?

  Padmé : He's perfect.

  C-3PO : Oh. "Perfect."

• Queen Amidala : [speaking to Chancellor Palpatine]  It is clear to me now that the Republic no longer functions. I pray you will bring sanity and compassion back to the Senate.

• Queen Amidala : How did you end up here with us?

  Jar Jar Binks : I don't know. Mesa day startin pretty okee-day with a brisky morning munchy, then BOOM! Gettin very scared and grabbin that Jedi and POW! Mesa here! Mesa gettin' very very scared!

• Queen Amidala : The Federation has gone too far this time.

• Played Ian McDiarmaid.

• Senator Palpatine : And Queen Amidala, has she signed the treaty?

  Nute Gunray : She has... disappeared, my lord. One Naboo cruiser got past the blockade.

  Senator Palpatine : I want that treaty signed!

  Nute Gunray : M-my lord, it-it's impossible to locate the ship. It's out of our range.

  Senator Palpatine : Not for a Sith.

  [Darth Maul appears alongside Darth Sideous in the hologram] 

  Senator Palpatine : This is my apprentice, Darth Maul. He will find your lost ship.

  [the hologram disappears] 

  Nute Gunray : This is getting out of hand! Now, there are two of them!

• Senator Palpatine : Wipe them out, all of them.

• Senator Palpatine : There is no civility, only politics.

• Queen Amidala : Senator, this is your arena. I feel I must return to my mine. I have decided to go back to Naboo.

  Senator Palpatine : Go back? But, your Majesty, be realistic. They'll force you to sign the treaty.

  Queen Amidala : I will sign no treaty, Senator. My fate will be no different to that of our people.

• Played by Ray Park.

• Darth Maul : Tatooine is sparsely populated. If the trace was correct, I will find them quickly, Master.

  Senator Palpatine : Move against the Jedi first. You will then have no difficulty in taking the Queen to Naboo to sign the treaty.

  Darth Maul : At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.

  Senator Palpatine : You have been well trained, my young apprentice. They will be no match for you.

• Played by Anthony Daniels

• [R2D2 beeps] 

  C-3PO : I beg your pardon, but what do you mean, "naked?"

  [R2D2 beeps] 

  C-3PO : My parts are showing? Oh, my goodness, oh!

• C-3PO : Hello, I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations. How might I serve you?

  Padmé : He's perfect.

  C-3PO : Oh. "Perfect."

• C-3PO : I can assure you they will never get me onto one of those dreadful starships.

• Anakin : [showing C-3PO to Padme]  Isn't he great? He's not finished yet.

  Padmé : He's wonderful.

  Anakin : You really like him? He's a protocol droid to help Mom. Watch.

  C-3PO : [being switched on, with just one photoreceptor affixed]  Oh. Oh. Where is everybody?

Played by Ahmed Best

• Jar-Jar Binks : Ooh, mooey mooey, I love you!

  Qui-Gon Jinn : You almost got us killed! Are you brainless?

  Jar-Jar Binks : I spake!

  Qui-Gon Jinn : The ability to speak does not make you intelligent. Now get out of here.

• Shmi Skywalker : All slaves have a transmitter placed somewhere in their body.

  Anakin : I've been working on a scanner to try and locate mine.

  Shmi Skywalker : Any attempt to escape...

  Anakin : And they blow you up! BOOM!

  Jar Jar Binks : How wude!

• Jar-Jar Binks : Mesa cause one, two-y little bitty axadentes, huh? Yud say boom de gasser, den crashin der bosses heyblibber, den banished.

• Jar Jar Binks : Wesa got a grand army. That's why you no liking us meesa thinks.

• Jar Jar Binks : Monsters out there, leaking in here. Weesa all sinking and no power. Whena yousa thinking we are in trouble?

• Queen Amidala : How did you end up here with us?

  Jar Jar Binks : I don't know. Mesa day startin pretty okee-day with a brisky morning munchy, then BOOM! Gettin very scared and grabbin that Jedi and POW! Mesa here! Mesa gettin' very very scared!

• Played by Silas Carson.

• [after a meeting with Darth Sidious] 

  Rune Haako : You didn't tell him about the missing Jedi.

  Nute Gunray : No need to report that to him until we have something to report!

• Nute Gunray : We should not have made this bargain!

• Nute Gunray: This is getting out of hand. Now there are two of them!!

• Senator Palpatine : This turn of events is unfortunate. We must accelerate our plans. Begin landing your troops.

  Nute Gunray : My lord, is that... legal?

  Senator Palpatine : I will make it legal.

  Nute Gunray : And the Jedi?

  Senator Palpatine : The Chancellor should never have brought them into this. Kill them immediately!

Played by Brian Blessed.

• [last lines] 

  Boss Nass : Peace!

  Jar-Jar Binks : Ya-hoo!

• Boss Nass : Mesa no carrrrrrin' about the Naboo. The Naboo think they are so smarty. They think their brains so big.

• Qui-Gon Jinn : He owes me what you call a Life Debt.

  Boss Nass : Binks? Yousa been havin' the life play with thissen hissen?

  Jar-Jar Binks : Uh-huh.

  Boss Nass : Blurublurublu! Be gone with him!

  Jar-Jar Binks : Count me outa this one. Better dead here than dead at the core. Ye Gods! What is mesa sayin'?

• [In Gungan City, Qui-Gon decides to use Jar-Jar as a navigator for their voyage to the planet's core] 

  Qui-Gon Jinn : [to Boss Nass]  What is to become of Jar-Jar Binks here?

  Boss Nass : [importantly]  He-sa sentenced to be... *pew-nished*.

  [Boss Nass smiles darkly at Jar Jar. Jar Jar bows his head piteously. Obi-Wan looks at Jar Jar, his face full of pity] 

  Qui-Gon Jinn : I saved his life. He owes me what you might call a life debt. Your Gods demand that his life should be placed in my hands now.

  Boss Nass : [drawing out the "s"]  Binks? Yousa had your life played with this-a hue-sun?

  Jar-Jar Binks : [cute-faced, meekly]  Uh huh.

  Boss Nass : [shaking his head vigoriously, then to Qui-Gon]  Bwa-gur-a-glur-a-glur! Begone wi' him!

• Boss Nass : Wesun ready to do arsun part.